Sometimes things go bump in the night.

Why do I have to be the one to hear them?

I have struggled with sleep paralysis since the age of 16.

The first time, I woke up to find myself in a state of anxiety and felt buzzing all over my body. I could not move.

The second time, I felt a presence in my room, behind me – I was facing the wall. I tried to scream for help. Nothing would come out. I could not move.

The third time, I had a dream that turned sinister. I woke up, facing the wall (why am I always facing the wall?) – again I felt a presence beside me.

I could not move.

I have now had sleep paralysis too many times to count.

I get night terrors now too. I wake up and sit bolt upright screaming bloody murder, I can’t say why. It just happens.

I don’t know which I hate more – the intense anxiety of sleep paralysis or the intense fear of night terrors?

Sometimes I won’t sleep for fear of the way in which I might wake up.

It’s come to the point where I prefer to stay awake. I have nothing to worry about then.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s to do with the supernatural. My mum’s place is on the site of an old docklands warehouse, there must be plenty of spirits there. Now I live on a boat, in a big old industrial canal. Can’t imagine there’s nothing here either.

You know what the weirdest thing is?

A few days before I first encountered sleep paralysis (it must have been November 2018), I have a distinct memory of nodding off to sleep and hearing the voice of a middle-aged man saying something to me. I can’t recall exactly what he was saying, but I do remember it feeling like he was asking me to agree to something. Then out of the blue, I suddenly blurted out the word ‘yes’, seemingly without any reason. I hadn’t chosen to say it, it just came out of my mouth. This woke me up, I was confused and couldn’t remember what it was that I thought had just been said to me. Then a few days after that, the sleep paralysis started.

What on earth did I agree to?

I get chills thinking about it to this day.

At several times during the making of the composition, I had to take breaks as it brought back emotions that were too intense for me.

I hope this piece gets across to you, the listener, the sounds I hear and the emotions I feel when I go through these experiences.

I hope this is the closest you ever get to the real thing.